Hm! Juices beginning to flow after all... well, not juices. A juice. Just the one. But it's something. I've had an Idea. I know there are a few people reading this silly blog of mine - some of you even tell me you like it. (I want you to like it. Why do you like it? What would anyone find to like? Please like it.) So ... maybe you can help me out?
I think I have a Compliance problem. I was a very very good girl when I was little. I needed a kind of "harmony" around me - needed it like I needed to breathe or to swallow. So I was very very good. My mom says they barely ever had the nerve to administer much "discipline" because just an exasperated look was enough to dissolve me into a tearful and bewildered child. I never grew out of that, apparently. And now ( I mean to say, again - this isn't the first time) there's a problem with this over-willingness to figure out what is expected of me.
It's good to be a good girl - right? I wonder. The flip side of the coin is that I can't figure out what to do unless someone else tells me. (That's not really true - I do know how to tell me what to do - usually. I do!) I used to say (when my own adulthood was in its fledgling stage) that I'm good at following orders, but not at coming up with my own. I follow orders - and I give orders when I'm supposed to be giving orders because that's me following orders - but I don't know how to tell myself what to do. Life does seem to insist on this skill, though. So I thought I'd learned it. I thought I could be all self-determined and self-actualized and self-contained and .... I've reached the edges of myself. I'm at a loss here. I don't know what to do - how to find a way to do this. This writing thing. I can't seem to find a way to simply put one word in front of the other. I think I could obey me if I'd tell me something, but I'm turned away from me for the moment. (Did I make me mad or something?)
Someone help me. What do I write about? I can write - I just don't know what route to take. Anyone? I can think of stuff - is one of these a good one?
(I cannot believe I'm opening THIS locked-tight box of live bugs and stinging things and things that crumble when you touch them -- right out here in the open like this! Everyone who's ever known me will now know for sure that I'm not only nuts, I'm really really full of myself - but they probably knew that already. {stifled groan .... less stifled scream ....!})
For instance --- I can write about that personal acre of land we all get - that one emotional acre everyone gets to tend, and no one but the owner has a right to. I can write about the way we all learn to experiment in life's kitchen, and then grow to experiment with recipes and ingredients, and finally learn to cook our own signature dishes. I can write about the way life looks like a long and wide and amazing path to me, with all the people of all the ages on it, and a few people living in boxes who have encamped and refuse to climb - to bastardize the bard, "a fundamentalist by any other name..." I can write about the way it feels to be whole and intact as a person, and also grieve sometimes so deeply that the cells of my body seem to be turning to blackened, twisted blocks of carbon, and feel such joy that I know for sure that the rocks and hills and stars sing together -- but still feel embarrassed because others think that living like this is babyish and naive and sheltered.
I can write ... I can climb ... but I'm so bewildered I don't know where to start. Does anyone have a clue? Someone suggest something! I swear - this isn't just a slightly psychotic rant of self-indulgent spilling of my guts into the computer. (They'll think you're just looking for attention. Why would anyone pay attention to you, when you don't even know how to get your attention? Why won't I turn around and listen to me?) I'm really asking. (Shut up, me.) Won't shut up. Will hit "publish" at the bottom of the blog page. I really do want to know. What does anyone at all want to read if I'm the one who wrote it?
Anyone?
4 comments:
Steph, you just keep doing exactly what you're doing! Write about the everyday things. Write about the things you have learned over time, from your life experiences. Keep sharing the metaphors. You are fun to read!
Hi Steph,
Stop trying so hard and just write. You can't hope to be published all you can do is write what is in your heart and hope someone thinks it is interesting enough to publish. Your thoughts meandering on the page are interesting enough for us to continue to read your blog so have a little faith and just keep writing. Nell
You know the old joke: A foreigner arrives in New York. He asks a passing local "How do I get to Carnegie Hall?" The local says: "Practice!"
There is an equivalent for writers: Write a thousand words a day. That's it. Write a thousand words a day, but not for the blog. Pick a topic at random if you have to. Invent a character. Whatever you need. Just write a thousand words a day. In three months you'll have a book length piece of work. Then you can read it over and decide if it's something you like or if it's something you want others to read. If not, then start again. You will have learned more from doing that work than from any writing class or workshop or writing book. Write a thousand words a day. I'm not kidding about this. If you do this diligently for a year or two, you will get closer to being a writer than by any other method. Don't put too much importance on any one particular piece. Writing is labor. Putting one word down after another. It's like building a piece of furniture. To be a writer, write. Don't talk about writing, don't read another writing book, don't think about what you are going to write, just write. 1K/day.
Also, remember that writers are part of the entertainment industry and all the successful writers that have ever cashed fat royalty checks knew this in their bones or learned it as they went along. Your job is not to change the world, or reveal deep secrets, or impress awards judges. Your job is to entertain. You do that and you will achieve some measure of success. But it all starts with daily practice. 1K/day.
Robert A. Heinlein's rules for being a writer:
1. You must write.
2. You must finish what you write.
3. You must refrain from rewriting except to editorial request.
4. You must put it on the market.
5. You must keep it on the market until sold.
Anyone can do it. It just takes perseverence.
I agree with the comments above, but to provide some structure:
1. Child development and education
2. Art therapy
3. Spiritual life
4. Pacific Northwest
5. Literary reviews and analysis ... actually, include art and music in this.
6. Women moving into a new stage of life ... risk-taking
7. Your family
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