Unconscious development

When I was this girl, learning to play that piano (which currently sits in my own dining room), I honestly and truly did not know that the real reason I could walk above the floor or the ground sometimes and not other times was because it could only happen in my dreams. I had to be asleep. It wasn't, it turned out, a matter of doing it just right - balancing just so. It was, sadly, something I could do only if I were asleep. (dang!)

It's a pretty cool thing to be able to do, you know. I've invited dozens of people to try it with me, but they either don't seem to know I'm speaking at all, or they tell me they don't know what I'm talking about, or they tell me to hush up. I think a couple of people have tried it ... but that was a long time ago. It's not really hard to do. You just step off the earth - do it just so - and sometimes you're near a ceiling, and sometimes you're just above the group of people or moving around or floating. You kind of have to discover what it's going to be each time you do it.

Eventually, I did figure out (I suppose) that embodied people who are awake and walking around on the earth can't step up off of it. But the ability to do it is inside of me still, and now I've done a little research. Dreams like that are all about possibilities and dreams and ideas. That makes sense. Inside myself, there are lots of things that feel like that. Some of them don't even have names, but there are a lot of them. In my dreams, they're more accessible to me, that's all.

But the thing is, a long time ago, the walking above the ground thing - it was tricky. I had to concentrate to hold it, or I'd fall off. ("Fall off? What are you talking about? Fall off the air?" "Yeah. Fall off the air. Just kind of slip off and end up back on the floor.")

And other people didn't like it - if they could see it at all. So I tended, back then, to keep it to myself. Or be quiet up there, so no one would notice. They were slightly frustrating dreams back then. Not happy, but not nightmares either. They held out to me a way to experience the freedom I held inside myself, but I had to be so very careful about the effect on other people. I couldn't have fun with it.

And now I can!

Last night it happened again. That's the second time.

The first time, I was doing flips and rolls and that slide across the room on two knees that Johnny Depp does in Benny & Joon. It was a blast.

And people could see me, and they thought it looked like fun, and they liked my having that much fun, but I didn't have anyone joining me. I was having a solo party in the midst of the other people, them with their feet on the floor, me all over the room, playing in the air like a kind of human porpoise in the water. It felt great!

Now this. Now I bent my legs as if kneeling in prayer, but I was not praying. I was zooming from one room to another, and my lower legs were like rudders, steering me around the corners, and just slightly out of the reach of my sister. Yeah! My adult sister - and me, an adult too. She was being a good sport about it, but it wasn't really fair. Nobody walking on the floors is going to be able to catch up to and stop someone speeding around up, off the floor, with lower leg rudders for direction.

So ... if everyone in your dreams is you ... if dreams are for sorting out the stuff that stays in the background when you're awake ... if dreams of walking on air are dreams about ideas and theories and possibility ... and if having these dreams as a child brought mostly frustration and feelings of being ignored or misinterpreted ... but now the dreams are full of play ...?

I can't wait to see what happens next! And sometimes - is it possible? - sometimes other people want to play with me, up there, and over there, and around the corner, and on the air currents.
It's pretty fun ... wanna try it? C'mon. I'll show you. Please?