Sometimes you're the fish

I've been searching for a picture of words like "effort" and "frustration" and "out of reach" --- but nothing shows the level of frustration I feel right now over the amount of effort I've put in in my life and the fact that it's just out of reach. What's out of reach? A real degree is out of reach. It right there. I can see it. I can taste it. But I cannot get to it! If you could see little beads of salmon sweat on the forehead of that fish (do fish have foreheads?), you'd see a picture of me -- and there's the end of my journey of a thousand miles -- an end with teeth. Want a real degree? ...... [CHOMP]

The information I got last night is that without any form of any kind of accreditation or association with anyone else, my so-called degree does not, in fact, contain one transferable credit. Not one. The transfer committee won't even consider it. (Either would I. I think the committee would be right to refuse such silliness.) So it's back to the beginning again, for real. The small flame of hope I had for transfer credits has been puffed out.

I suppose this knowledge I have now, this morning - the admitted knowledge that I am once again "back to the beginning" - is probably proof that I am, deep down inside my deeply frustrated self, rejecting an "end" with teeth. I must have decided while I slept that what I will do is flop back to the bottom of the falls, and start flapping my way back up all the falling water all over again. I wonder how many fish swim at the bottom of the rapids, crying in exhaustion. We'll never know, of course. You can't see salmon sweat, and you can't see salmon tears - or hear the salmon railing at the waterfall.


The score so far is Water: 3 .... Fish: 1

'aaaat's right. One. I scored one. See, while I was up there, very near those Teeth of Doom, I looked around just a little. I know I want to be up there. I can (almost) declare boldly that no bear is going to eat me. So I get one point for taking this class. I got high enough this time to get a good look around. Frustration can be motivating ... right?

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