Nope, that's it. The bearded young giant may very well love the campus, and be having a perfectly lovely time, but I'm sorry. I know I said it's peaceful here. But ... well ... we didn't think this through. He will simply have to come home. We have encountered a couple of problems. This is one of them. I have buried myself in my own kitchen mess, and I think I may have forgotten how to get out on my own! John! Come home and clean the kitchen! The pasta with roasted squash and spinach in a Bechamel sauce was tasty ... but egad! Now what do I do?
(Just kidding, son. Well, mostly just kidding. I know what to do, I just don't want to do it.)
Addendum: We found the scrubber brush. I guess he can stay in school after all.