Damn. Damn damn damn and blast it all! I really really didn't want it to come to this, but here it is. Right in the middle of the road, and there's obviously no way 'round it. I have to scale it. Go OVER it. Climb and conquer it.
I've TRIED everything else ... including doing nothing but sitting here. Guess what? It doesn't work. Neither does floating around near it, or trying to go around it, or climbing high enough up a tall tree so I can see over it. I need to be on the other side, and there's nothing left to do but figure out a way to go over it.
And what is "it," you ask? What is this metaphorical rant really about?
An anonymous commenter asked me the question. What are you doing about going back to school? And now, all of a sudden, all the flippant answers I usually use, and all my contentedness about waiting, and all the scenarios for all the possibilities that might happen someday have gone up in a puff of smoke. Anonymous poster, I don't know who you are, but you woke me up today, and I'm on my feet. I'm not happy about it, but I'm up. I have to figure this out and make it happen.
And to make it happen, I have to get past the one huge rock in my road. I have to figure out how to make the curriculum my husband and I sell (it's traditionalist Anglican religious ed curriculum -- we've got a customer base that would fill a whole ... uh ... well, we probably couldn't fit them all around the dining room table at once, but pretty close). Our customers are tired tired tired of waiting for us to send their orders, and we are tired tired tired of never having enough time to fill orders when they do come in, and I know perfectly well that there is a way to sell downloads from our website.
But I also know that my overworked husband has NO time to figure this out. So that's what I have to do to get over that rock. I have to figure out how to do computer stuff well enough to be able to make a website that can sell downloads. Not just write ad copy. (That's easy.) Not just do design work. (I love design work.) No, no. I have to do the hard part.
Do I want the income I could be generating? Is this something that is right in front of me to do? Do I believe that "he who is faithful in small things" can be trusted with more to oversee? Yes. Yes. Yes. So it's fallen to me to figure out the computer sales thing, and I just have to do it, that's all. I've already spoken to someone who can help me, and I'm just going to have to make it happen. Me. I'm going to have to do that. I know our part of Christendom is a little splash out of one of the puddles at the edge of the whole ocean of Christendom, but I also know that we're the only ones who have what we've got at our sadly neglected, gasping for breath, barely alive Littlefarm Publishing. There is a little dribble of income to be had if we can get better at selling it. And then - if we don't have to spend all that time just trying to collate, bind, and ship (not to mention the printing press that can suck up eons and ages and millenia for one little project), then maybe we can WRITE for it too! Have something new to offer people!
Dang, I hate computer stuff.